Party smartly and avoid eviction

With party season already in full swing,  here are some simple ways you can prevent your neighbours all  making the same new year’s resolution: to get you out of their lives.

1. Tell your neighbours that you are having a party – even better, invite them. But at least give them the chance to arrange to be elsewhere when you and your friends sing and dance the night away.
2. Turn down the bass on your sound system. It’s the doof-doof that drives people mad.  Most people understand why you might want to have your music turned up but generating the levels of thundering bass notes that you enjoy in a dance club is just not on for an apartment building. Switch your brain on and turn your bass down.
3. Don’t be scared to remind your guests that their wilder behaviour can cause you a lot of grief. The moron who turns up the stereo as soon as the neighbour/building manager/cops who asked you to turn it down have gone, is not your friend.
4. Balcony behaviour is a major area of potential conflict. Screaming and whooping may be an essential part of enjoying yourself but there is a point where it’s just stupid, childish and grounds for justifiable homicide.
5. Even worse, flicking cigarettes and bottles off balconies into properties below is about as scummy as party antics get. Grow up and tell your ignorant party guests to do the same.
6. Say your goodbyes inside your front door, not out in the lift lobby. There are few things more infuriating for your neighbours than thinking your party’s finally over, only to hear the chatter of emotional drunks, punctuated by the ding of the lift bell as it arrives time and again for people who refuse to leave. Say goodbye and go home. Less whooping and screaming and more talking during the party will mean you’ll have said you have everything you want to by the time your guests leave.
7. Don’t grab your neighbours’ empty parking spaces for your friends because you are “sure they’re away”. They may have their own plans for them and they will react very badly if they come home and find your pals’ cars in situ.
8. Remember that there are state laws and by-laws about noise. It’s not one or another – both apply. Police usually have enough to do without having to attend noisy parties but if your party rocks on loudly beyond midnight on a weekend or holiday night, you are probably breaking the law and could be fined or even have your stereo removed.
9. If you prefer to prepare for the arrival of your guests by cranking up the music to ear-splitting levels early in the evening you are probably breaching your by-laws too. At the very least, you will get an angry phone call or letter after the matter.
10. If you are a serial offender and have had complaints about parties before, don’t be surprised if your electrical power fuses mysteriously “blow” just when your party gets going. FYI: Electricians’ emergency call-out fees hit $1000 a pop after midnight.

Finally, if you are on the receiving end of noise from a party, remember that the person throwing it has no idea how loud it sounds in your flat.

So, before you call the police, let down their tyres or get the building manager to open the electrical fuse box, just let them know that while you weren’t expecting a silent night, you were hoping for a little more peace and goodwill.