You say “I have lived here for ten years and there has never been a problem in the past.”
Did she begin complaining soon after her retirement? Or at some point after the outbreak of the pandemic in March 2020?
I ask because my own experience suggests that one or both of these could well be a factor. The past 18 months have, for me, seen a distinct rise in noise-related irritation and a decrease in personal tolerance. (And I don’t have hyperacusis.) It’s the result, I think, of a combination of things, including:
• more people in my building working from home (including the neighbour above with wood floors),
• being at home a lot more myself because of lockdowns and general caution (although I worked from home before the pandemic anyway, so this is just a difference of degree), and
• COVID-related depression.
Like the things you describe, the noises that irritate me wouldn’t be classified as outrageous or unreasonable. I’m talking about TV sound coming through the floor in the evening when there’s no other noise to obscure it, the noise of vacuum cleaner heads vigorously bumping on skirting boards, cupboard doors being closed a little too loudly, chairs scraping on floors, etc., not screaming children, loud parties or drum kit practice. You could say intrusive rather than loud. But there’s more of it, I’m exposed to more of it, and recently there’s been little opportunity to escape it. Headphones and earplugs really aren’t a practical or comfortable solution for this kind of pervasive low-level noise. And I’ve discovered that it’s stressful and anxiety-making – much more so than I would have predicted – and it takes enormous restraint not to complain. Because no one wants to be “that” neighbour.
So I feel empathy for your downstairs neighbour even as I’d agree that her complaints sound excessive. I’m sure she too wants her home to be her sanctuary. Don’t we all?
Given that you’ve both been there a long time and the relationship has been reasonably good, it’s really worth trying to find some way to resolve things through good mediation and mutual creative problem-solving rather than resort to actions such as seeking an AVPO or the passive-aggressive leaving of earplugs that might tank the relationship for good, only adding to your own anxiety and likely not achieving the desired result of stopping the complaints.
I would certainly counsel against ignoring her. Ignore/don’t respond to the actual complaints, perhaps, but try if you can to maintain a cordial relationship and don’t stop interacting with her altogether. If she is, like so many of us, experiencing depression and anxiety as a result of the pandemic, loneliness, and/or being retired, then social isolation and feeling ostracised by her neighbours will probably only make that worse and almost certainly result in her feeling even more intolerant to domestic noise. Which you don’t want…